Silence

October 2, 2009,

Silence is often misunderstood. Far too often we interpret it as a time when nothing is happening, which is why we typically undervalue the place of silence -- in our own lives and in the lives of our children. By silence, at least in today's letter, I mean the particular stillness that is reflective, introspective, and personal. I write about this now because knowing and valuing the role this type of silence plays in our lives is something that begins early in our children's lives and extends forward throughout their lifetime.

Silence, rather than a sign of rest, is instead an indicator that someone is hard at work - on himself or herself. This kind of silence presents calmly, as all the exertion is happening internally, out of our view. Sometimes an "Aha!" moment is the end result, but more often the outcome is simply a deepening of thinking and being. This is the place where ideas are born and minds expand, forgiveness begins, insights click, and sorrow passes. The internal experience of silence is not always simple, yet it is the best gateway to open ourselves to real tranquility.

There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub." Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

From the place of silence, singular moments present themselves to us in dimensional relief. We suddenly discover the beauty of the tree that has grown outside our window all these years. We feel the enthusiasm and anticipatory joy of our child as she asks us if we want to play. We hear the sound of laughter that instinctually puts a smile on our faces. We feel the poem or song as for the first time it touches and envelops our soul.

This particular brand of silence is the architect of our inner world. This is where we reflect upon our actions, the world, and yes, even the meaning of life. In many ways this is alchemy in action. We take the stuff of everyday and transform it into the depth of wisdom, and it all starts with silence. This is a learned skill. It's the stuff of meditation, when we learn to observe our thoughts, feelings, and images without attachment. It's the stuff of prayer, when we learn to plumb the layers and depths of meaning to discover faith. It's the deep listening, when we learn to hear what isn't being said.

I believe that one of the reasons, conscious or unconscious, that you chose Redwood Day School is because of our developmental approach and our attention to the inner as well as outer lives of our students. As much as school is about skills, information, and knowledge, it is also about the quality of the person who possesses them. We focus on both. We instill in our students the habits and attitudes required to develop and maintain a rich internal life. In younger children this is the world of imagination and observation. In older children it is the mix of imagination and observation, along with the beginning stages of deeper reflection. If you keep your eyes open for it, you will see it in the faces of your children and their friends more than you might expect. Support the beginning stages of this depth, as this is what leads to both a rich internal existence and a well-examined life.

This weekend if you notice your children in quiet reverie or staring off in silence, don't be too quick to ask them what they are thinking. Instead, slip next to them and join their silence. Without words, let them know that this is a healthy behavior to cultivate - that it is worth the effort. And while you are sitting there, use the opportunity to check in with your own internal life - you may find yourself lingering in this silence longer than expected.

Silence is a fence around wisdom." German Proverb

Have a nice weekend and build your fences wide and far.

Mike