Open and Honest Conversations

Our Friday class meeting ran late, and there was an issue I could not get to in our problem basket. A student had written that someone was judging her and making fun of her for the way she looked. After school, I spoke to her to let her know that I did see her problem in the basket and that we would discuss it first thing in the following week's class meeting, and checked in to make sure she was okay until then.

At the next class meeting, I read the problem to the class and asked if the student who wrote the problem wished to identify him or herself. When the student did not speak up, I went ahead with the discussion, asking students for suggestions and thoughts. I expected them to give answers along the lines of "Ignore them -- it doesn't matter what other people think," or "Tell a teacher so they can talk to them and tell them to stop." I was quite taken aback when the conversation immediately went to discussions of race. I quickly realized the students had come to the conclusion that this student was being made fun of for their race, which was not the case. Being an anonymous problem though, I did not want to add my own thoughts, and I was intrigued to see where they would take the discussion.

Students began sharing stories of being asked "What are you?" or "Where are you from?" and their feelings about people asking such questions. This evolved into a discussion of the importance of who was doing the asking. The kids came to the conclusion that younger children asking "What are you?" was understandable because they were just curious about why you looked different from them, but that someone older should be careful because it might make you uncomfortable. Students shared stories of their parents being asked the same questions and the different reactions the parents had, ranging from stating what race they were to telling the person it was none of their business to asking the same question right back to the person.

I was blown away by how ready and willing the students were to talk about race. I did not realize they would jump to this topic so quickly. I was also aware of the different levels of understanding each child was at. Some were comfortable and engaged, others quiet and shying away from such a powerful conversation. It made me feel really positive to work in an environment that supports and welcomes this kind of discussion and exploration, and to work with kids who were able to be so honest and open. It also made me realize how relevant race can be to kids and that I need to be on top of their awareness so I can support them and help them learn and grow.

In the end, I brought the group back to the idea that the problem may not have been about race, as I wanted to honor the request of the child who'd initially put the problem in the basket. The students solidly felt it was all the same: don't judge people by the way they look. I have to say, I sure do agree with them. Sometimes kids know best.

Kelly Alexander, 4B Teacher